These past few days, I have been ranting and showing how bitter I am whenever I see couples. Even I, started wondering why. I used to not be like that. I used to not care.
I actually find it weird that I feel so irritated even when I listen to my friend’s cheesy love story (See what I mean? I know I’m better than this). So I tried searching for answers, and these are the reasons why:
The person I like confessed…to my friend. I mean, seriously?! Of all people, why does the girl have to be one of my friends?
At first, I thought I could just let them be by letting go, by giving way. Because anyway, friendship has always been my priority.
I gave way, yes. I get that they like each other, yes. But, seeing them so happy being together? THAT, I CAN’T HANDLE. Seeing it? Watching them? It damn kills me.
And yes, the friendship that I chose in the first place… It’s foundation ain’t that strong either. And I’m afraid it’ll easily crumble.
Usually, that would be okay, I mean, I have lots of other friends. Problem is, (and here comes the second reason), I just lost one. And the “BEST” one at that. </3
We’re still friends. But it’ll never be the same. It’s hard getting through each day without one third of yourself. And it’s getting worse each day because everytime I get hurt, I don’t have anybody to tell it to. And upon realizing that, it’ll just hurt even more.
Why not tell it to my other friends, you say? Well, I have tried. But, some of them just judged me, others mocked and laughed at me, while most didn’t really care. It’s just not the same without that one friend you trust so much she won’t judge or laugh at you. But that friendship’s gone now. She could tell me any advice, but never will I appreciate it again. It’s just not the same.
From the above premises, I could only come up with one conclusion. I have been reacting really weird about happy couples because they are happy…and I am not. They have people to turn to in times of trouble…and I don’t. They’re with the people they love…whilst I’m here feeling alone drowning myself in self-pity. How will I be ever happy for them, when I myself am not happy?
I watch and read love stories with happy endings too much, and I hate that all those cheesy stuff are happening to them and not to me. I used to be contented with everything that I have, but after all these, after seeing everything crumble and fade in front of me, all I could do is envy those who are happy.