Monthly Archives: November 2013

To that one guy


To the first one,

Looking back a year ago, I see myself blaming you for all the weight I’d been carrying in my chest, for all the wounds which at the time wouldn’t heal, for all the tears that came rushing through my cheeks. Actually, I don’t remember much at all. I forgot what hurting for you felt like, the crying, and the way to forgetting. I barely remember how it felt falling for you and falling back again when the ‘getting over you’ process failed for the nth time. Everything’s a blur to me now. And maybe that’s how it should really go. Maybe that’s how it is like when you have finally moved on.

I have been trying to remember things, but I can barely do so. But a few are still vivid to me. One is the fact that I used to whine about how you changed, how better you were before everything happened, blah blah blah, etcetera etcetera. Point is, I thought the guy I fell for was different from the guy who wanted me to move on…from him. Figures, the only things that changed are: (1) the way I saw you and, (2) the way you actually looked like (yes, you somehow managed to evolve into a very handsome guy). But more on the former.

I put you on a pedestal when I was still into you. You were perfect to me when obviously, you’re not, nobody is. I was blinded with all the good things that you possessed and did that I wasn’t able to see all the other things I should’ve seen. And the moment you dumped me in the friendzone (A moment of silence please? Kidding. I’m over it), all the fantasy I had been having about you, shattered. I finally saw clearly what was actually in front of me–a guy with his flaws and does stupid mistakes just like all the other people around me, a guy who’s just being himself. It’s the truth. It’s what you really were.

But now that I’m more than okay and over with what we had (or what I think we had), I can very much see that you haven’t really changed. Sure, you grew taller, gained some weight, became more handsome and maybe smarter, but those are only superficial. The change is so obvious but not visible to me at all. You’re still that jolly, funny, and adorable person (not to mention a mean and boastful a-hole at times) that I used to know. You’re still the innocent (gullible would be a better fit) friend who can make me laugh at unexpected times. And I am pretty much convinced that you’re that one person who took me by his jokes and got me falling for his eyes.

After a year and some months, I finally got to look you straight in the eyes again. And I have figured out, you’ll always be special to me. You are not only ‘the first one’ I fell in love with, you are ‘that one guy’ who taught me how it is to fall.  And the fall was good even without the catch. That, I won’t forget.

-One of those girls