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Thoughts at three o’ four:

I’m not afraid anymore,

to leap and then fall.



The semester just ended. People are leaving the dormitories, heading home. Others are already out there, enjoying every bit of the time that they have before facing another sem. Most of them have their breaks planned out perfectly– prepared their lists of books to read, movies to watch, parties to attend to, etc.

Me? Still in my room in the dormitory, lying flat on my stomach, no plan to sleep in the next few hours. I was too busy looking forward for the break that I forgot to plan any activity for the break itself.

Well, I am really very glad that the sem is over. You know, me time plus family time. But then, there is something that I came to realize. One sem is over while another one is going to come in a few weeks. Things are going to change, AGAIN. And then we’ll have to see new professors and get to know new teaching styles, meet new classmates, and adapt to classrooms new to us. I mean, aren’t those just too much?

Well, yeah, I get that changes are inevitable. But then, it is not always easy to keep up with the things in life especially if the world is turning way too fast and then all you can do is watch and get confused. Okay, that’s a bit too much for a semester, but I’m actually ¬†talking about things in general.

Changes are not easy to accept, that’s why deaths, breakups, moving out/in, leaving and being left behind are not easy to deal with. And no matter how we keep on saying that “change is the only constant thing in this world,” there will always be times when we ask the world “why things can’t just stay the same.”

Aaaand, yes I’m still trying to take in the fact that I won’t have to stay up late for academic purposes for weeks. Naaah, kidding. Happy sem break everyone!

The Inevitable


These past few days, I have been ranting and showing how bitter I am whenever I see couples. Even I, started wondering why. I used to not be like that. I used to not care.

I actually find it weird that I feel so irritated even when I listen to my friend’s cheesy love story (See what I mean? I know I’m better than this). So I tried searching for answers, and these are the reasons why:

The person I like confessed…to my friend. I mean, seriously?! Of all people, why does the girl have to be one of my friends?

At first, I thought I could just let them be by letting go, by giving way. Because anyway, friendship has always been my priority.

I gave way, yes. I get that they like each other, yes. But, seeing them so happy being together? THAT, I CAN’T HANDLE. Seeing it? Watching them? It damn kills me.

And yes, the friendship that I chose in the first place… It’s foundation ain’t that strong either. And I’m afraid it’ll easily crumble.

Usually, that would be okay, I mean, I have lots of other friends. Problem is, (and here comes the second reason), I just lost one. And the “BEST” one at that. </3

We’re still friends. But it’ll never be the same. It’s hard getting through each day without one third of yourself. ¬†And it’s getting worse each day because everytime I get hurt, I don’t have anybody to tell it to. And upon realizing that, it’ll just hurt even more.

Why not tell it to my other friends, you say? Well, I have tried. But, some of them just judged me, others mocked and laughed at me, while most didn’t really care. It’s just not the same without that one friend you trust so much she won’t judge or laugh at you. But that friendship’s gone now. She could tell me any advice, but never will I appreciate it again. It’s just not the same.

From the above premises, I could only come up with one conclusion. I have been reacting really weird about happy couples because they are happy…and I am not. They have people to turn to in times of trouble…and I don’t. They’re with the people they love…whilst I’m here feeling alone drowning myself in self-pity. How will I be ever happy for them, when I myself am not happy?

I watch and read love stories with happy endings too much, and I hate that all those cheesy stuff are happening to them and not to me. I used to be contented with everything that I have, but after all these, after seeing everything crumble and fade in front of me, all I could do is envy those who are happy.

Why so bitter?